i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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