it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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