Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this boner is exhausting
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
