After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
