Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When are your genitals available?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
