it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
