she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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