just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
