Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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