So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
People in love make me want to vomit
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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