Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
True college students do jello shots in the library
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
