brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
