You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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