I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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