I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
