There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
