I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
