That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
