fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
