Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
