I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
