mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
