Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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