She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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