Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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