Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
