Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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