I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
