dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
