and you said cock pushups were impossible
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So much rum. So many feels.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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