Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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