I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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