Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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