Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
