Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
