I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
