naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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