So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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