There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
