chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
