What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
