She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
