I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
North Korea, Best Korea!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
