You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
