I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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