Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
