i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
