You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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