i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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