I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
