Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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