No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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