I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
