I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
