somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
