I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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