Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
