i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
